Sweet Justice

Need I say more?
I've had so many memories with Twinkies its rediculous!
Twinkies is the official snack cake of the CERTIFIED FAT KID in all of us. I think as a kid and an adult, I ate enough twinkies that can wrap around planet Earth 14 times. I remember the first time I had a Twinkie. It was February 14, 1985. A cold frigid day in Hampton, Virginia. I went to the store with my father. He had to pick up his usual cigarettes and a few items and I had no reason what I was going to get. Im walking the isles of the 7-11 on Andrews Blvd and there was candy. I didnt really want candy though. Why? maybe because I just had some, I dont know. As I turned the corner and saw the Hostess cakes and BEHOLD! There was a halo around the twin pack of Twinkies. I hear a choir of angels singing. I picked it up and gave it to my pops to pay for it and we went back home. MMM! that soft sponge of yellow cake on the outside and creme filling on the inside.
Oh! and another thing... I will put Twinkie the Kid up against Doomsday any day. If Superman would of had Twinkie the Kid by his side, there wouldn't be any other fake Superman characters that we have today.




The Year: 1985
Reagan elected President again
49ers beat Dolphins in Superbowl
The Color Purple (movie) hit Theatres
"Whats Love got to do with it" by Tina Turner was song of the year.

How to learn Self Defense

Ahh...the 90's. Such an interesting time in history. Growing up during this age was unique in its own way. I became interested in old Kung Fu movies. Rap was killing the airwaves with the G Funk era with Dr. Dre, Ice Cube, and Easy E on the West Side and Eric B & Rakim, A Tribe Called Quest, and Naughty by Nature on the East Side (just to name a few). By the way...There is a difference in Hip Hop and Rap! Hip Hop is a culture and rap is a mechanism within that culture used as a tool of creativity and expression. There was Rap before there was Hip Hop. Just like there was gasoline before the car was invented! But I digress...The 90's also saw an emergence of popular video games. One of those games definitely influenced this fat kid for sure. Till this day I do believe video games can influence youth. Especially, youth with severe emotional problems or a lack of parenting. Now, I was not suffering from either of those things because, I can honestly say that I was raised in a somewhat positive environment. I didn't know how to fight. I was the fat kid that made people laugh and had a great time at doing it. Sometimes, I had to "throw some bows". I can remember getting into 2 fights were I thought I was a character from the video game that I loved so dearly. I learned the fighting moves of this character by spending at least $30 dollars every Saturday at the Food Lion grocery store where this game used to be located. I would walk about 1.5 miles to play this game for hours. I remember the guy who taught me how to play this game. His name was Sal and I considered him to be my sinsei for teaching me how to play this game. Sal could beat the game with every different character. Sal asked me "who do you want to be" and I showed him and from then on, I became the master at this game as well as embarrassingly picking up this character's moves. Some of the kids from the neighborhood knew that was my favorite game and anytime I had a fight they would clown me and say that I was fighting like this particular video game. Try and guess who was and still is my favorite character....


RYU the lead character of Street Fighter

The Year 1991
Cease Fire Ends Persian Gulf War
My NY Giants beat Bills in Superbowl
Miles Davis Dies
Quincy Jones Album "Back on the Block" is Song of the Year
Air Jordan Vs. Magic Johnson
FAT KID History: Cinnabon was founded in Seattle, WA

To Compete or face Defeat (The Characters)

Growing up in Fox Hill was interesting to me. I understand how the youth of today are faced with pressures from their peers. I can remember my boys in the neighborhood. In retrospect, I continue to laugh at these characters because in some form or fashion these friends of mines had some sort of influence on me as I did to them. Being a fat kid in Fox Hill had had to compete with skinny kids all the time. It didn't matter whether it was in sports, sex, economic, or social status. I don't mean to brag, but I was the fastest fat kid this side of the Mississippi River (East Coast). I had to! In order for me to get picked when we played sandlot basketball or football, I had to compete with these guys. Let me introduce my friends from the Hood:
Tone -Tone had to have been the fasted kid in the neighborhood. He was black as hell and he used to brag about how many girls he dated as well as the size of his manhood, not to mention he made fun of everyone else.
Ree Ree - Ree was one of my good friends from back in the day. We was in Boy Scouts together. When we went to camping trips, we used to make fun of the scout leaders and their retarded sons. Our Boy Scout trips didn't have marshmello or hot dogs by the way, it consisted of Hamburgers, steaks, scrambled eggs, etc. We had Fat Troop leaders....What can I say.
Tave-Tave had a high pitched voice, so we joked him and called him "Fruit Boy". He also had porno's. This gave him the nick name "Flick Boy". His sister was the finest girl in the neighborhood with a bad attitude.
Elt Dog- Elt was the oldest of the group. He was one of the best High School basketball players in the community. Even "Bubba Chuck" aka Allen Iverson gave him props for being one of the best in the area to compete against him. Elt blew both knees out and only played sandlot ball. I must say I got a lot of wisdom from him.
Tex-Till this day, Tex is my best friend. He was another fat kid to compete against however, he was a smooth fat kid. He always had a sharp wit. He didn't stay out Fox Hill but he lived across the ditch in some Single family Homes with his parents.
Dalt -Dalt was a cool dude. He was a fat kid too. Tone used to make fun of Dalt by saying that he made out with his mom. Dalt's mom was nice, she never called me by my correct name. Chicks digged Dalt because they said he had a big booty.
Gee - You may remember Gee from my last blog post.
Lil-Lil was black as hell but he loved him some white girls. He loved the San Francisico 49ers. He always had the best 49ers coats in the winter and sometimes spring.
CJ-CJ had a cool pops. They used to drive a big cadillac. We used to joke CJ by saying his parents drove the caddy everywhere, even next door to a neighbors house.
DOODoo - Doo Doo was from Haiti. He was with us for a couple of years. He played ball like Michael Jordan but looked like Doo Doo.
AD-AD was another fat kid. he had a dog that ate human food. I went over to his house one day and there was spaghetti noodles in the dog dish. His dog reminded us of "Santa's little helper" the dog from "The Simpsons".

There was a lot of "your momma" jokes. Jokes about brands of shoes and clothes. As well as athletic ability, ability to pick up girls, and not to mention physical features. Grades in school was of no importance to us.

Talk to your adolescence or teen. Make sure you find out all of their friends. They are being influenced in some shape form or fashion.

The year 1993
Bill Clinton was President
Bulls beat SUNS (who cares!) Charles Barkley is a Fat Kid Sports Hero
Dizzie Gillespie and Arthur Ashe dies
First Class Stamps were 29 cents
A Tribe Called Quest album "Midnight Marauders" hits the scene
Moments in FAT KID History: Crystal Clear Pepsi

My Favorite Teacher

My third grade teacher was one of my most favorite educators in my life. She taught third grade like it was simple. She was a positive role model to the other teachers, and she was from the old school. She was caring and she had a demeanor about her that she was the "model" teacher. Those were not the only reasons why I loved Mrs. Scott. Mrs. Scott would send me to the cafeteria in the mornings to get breakfast for her. She would break off a piece of sausage biscuit for herself and gave me the rest. The other students were jealous, however she had an interest in all of her students. I can remember when I got in trouble in Mrs. Scott's class she wouldn't have a problem with calling my mom and then I would go home with an ass whippin waiting for me. My mom had fury in her eyes when she whipped my ass. Till this day, I believe my mom started her own martial art because she was SKILLED in whippin my ass. Anyways, after I was disciplined for my bad conduct in Mrs. Scott's class, I shaped up a little. Mrs. Scott began to notice my weight and she thought it was in issue. Mrs. Scott got permission from my parents for me to get salads for lunch instead of the regular cafeteria food. It was awesome! The other kids were jealous big time now because I had an "adult" entree instead of their "mystery meat with peas". I think I was on the salds for a good 2 weeks and I lost some weight that year. Mrs. Scott was really happy and of course my doctor and parents too. The following year Mrs. Scott was not at school, I dont know whether she transferred to another school or she became ill. I never got to truly thank her for her encouragement and her determination in helping me.



Thank You Mrs. Scott for everything.



Especially the sausage biscuits.





This post is dedicated to all educators in the public school system. You are under paid and over worked. Give a fat kid a sausage biscuit and they will love you for life.





The Year: 1987
Mega Man & Mike Tyson's Punch Out was my favorite Nintendo Games this year
My NY Giants beat Denver in Super Bowl
The movie WALLSTREET came out
Oliver North snitches on everyone about the Iran-Contra Operations!
"Bring the Noise" by Public Enemy
"With or Without You" by U2
Moments in Fat Kid History: The values of Farmlands in the midwest bottoms out leading to a change in the domestic farm economy, and increased competition with foreign countries. (Didn't make a difference where the food was coming from, I was in the consumables business)

Scarred for Life

When I was in Middle School, basketball was my thing. Me and the neighborhood fellas would play basketball until there was no more daylight than a dungeon. This was the era when Micheal Jordan was in his prime. Watching him, Scottie Pippin, Horace Grant, and the rest of the Chicago Bulls was a treat! Me and the fellas were outside shooting basketball and making jokes on one another like we normally do. We were shooting around and suddenly, I shot the ball from a distance. The ball went up into the air and ricochet off the rim and hit my friend Gee in the face. The fellas were laughing at him. Gee was the type of guy who was picked on because of his dysfunctional family history. He had a weird walk because he had pins in his leg, but he was one of the fellas, it was our neighborhood. Gee became angry because, one; it must have hurt and two; the fellas were laughing at him. Gee came over and punched me in my face and broke my glasses. I had pieces of glass in my skin. As my mom was cleaning my wounds; I had friends and neighbors coming over to my house to see if I was OK. My friend Gee even came by 20 minutes later crying and was yelling "I'm sorry, I'm sorry". Someone must of told him that my eye was put out or something(which was not the case). You know how neighborhood rumors start.
My parents drove me to the hospital where I had to get about 10 stitches under my eye at the top of my right cheek by a plastic surgeon. This experience was embarrassing to me because, I didn't get to hit back. I was more concerned about my eye put out. I had to go to school the following week and had to face the rest of the school chums answering questions "What happen to you?" My parents eventually told me that they sued Gee's parents for the hospital bill (which was more embarrassing). What Gee didn't know was that one of my cousins had a boyfriend who was in a well known gang in the area at that time. He approached me and asked if I wanted him to go get Gee? I simply told him "naw, that's alright". Gee didn't know that he could have been another victim of black on black crime. Over the years, me and Gee became friends again.
Today, I have no idea where Gee is. I haven't seen his family in years. My best friend back home says that he has seen Gee's sister at a night club but,that is pretty much it. I forgave Gee a while ago. The scar from the stitches are still there. I can remember hearing about Cocoa Butter and putting that on the scar after the accident. There was a lot of hype over Cocoa Butter. They said the scar would go away, but I guess im scarred for life.

The year: 1992
USA Basketball team AKA The Dream Team wins Gold Medal
George HW Bush pardons his buddies who were involved in the Iran-Contra Era before his term ended. Bill Clinton succeeds
Alex Haley author of "Roots" dies.
Compact Discs (CD's) surpass Cassette Tapes
"Don't Sweat the Technique" by Erik B. and Rakim
"Tears in Heaven" by Eric Clapton

The Best Thing our Government made!

I remember when I was about 6 or 7 years old. My Grandma would watch me and all of my cousins because our parents either had to work or they needed a break from us. If one of us would get in trouble over Grandmas house and get a butt whippin with her wooden ruler, all of the cousins would look at the youngest cousin to see if he/she was going to laugh. If you laugh, they would snitch and say "Grandma "So and So" is laughing. After that, Grandma would whip your behind too for laughing. One time, my second eldest cousin got his behind torn up by Grandma and her ruler from hell and afterwards everyone looked at me. I smirked and said "What are yall look at?" and then they all yelled "Grandma "So and So" is laughing". I got my behind torn up by Grandma's ruler. You would of thought Grandma's ruler had an odometer or counter on it, she used it so much on our arses. I digressed. At this age however, I was exposed to a piece of history. I believe it was destiny for me to live during that time and to have witnessed and experience a phenomenon that I will never forget. This piece of history can be made a million ways. This piece of history had the following characteristics:

• It could hardly melt even in fire.
  
• It just sweats in the heat.


• When you put it on top of toast and put it in the toaster oven or broiler, it made a black burnt layer on top and it was ooey and gooey on the inside.
  
• You could slice it thick or thin.
  
• Was it made from real milk or was it oil and vinegar? I Still don't know


• It gave me comfort after a butt whoopin from grandma and her wooden ruler.


• If it had mold on it...We cut the mold off and still use it.


• It held the door open for us as a door stop when we were bringing groceries in from the car.

I'm talking about Government Cheese folks. Do you have a government cheese story? I ate so much Gub'ment cheese as a kid that till this day, I am a cheese addict. I need a hit. Give me some Cheese!! If you please!! There had to have been something in Gub'ment Cheese to make me so addictive to it. All of my cousins flocked around the table waiting for Grandma to cut some slices of cheese as if it was a turkey on Thanksgiving Day! The label on the Gub'ment cheese was simple. It just said CHEESE, USDA and some little stuff like "not for sale" or "no frills". If you need a history lesson on Gub'ment Cheese Click Here. My Aunt made the best MAC "n" Gub'ment cheese.

A sure slice of heaven!

• The Year 1984
• The Cosby Show debuts on television
• Apple Computer releases the Macintosh Computer
• Famous Jazz musician Count Basie dies
• "Whats love got to do with it" sung by Tina Turner
• The Fat Boys release the album "Jail House Rap"
• Bell (AT&T The Phone Company) had to be broken up into smaller companies because it had a monopoly on the telecommunications industry.
• MTV

In the beginning...

I remember during my early childhood, a birthday party was commenced in my honor at the age of 4 or 5 years old. For some strange reason, I can't remember anything before that. To my knowledge, there is no scientific evidence that shows a person can remember back as far as a certain age but, I remember this particular birthday party because of the Cake & Ice cream me and my cousins shared around mom's kitchen table. Till this day, I have friends that say they can remember their early childhood for example, events when they were 2 years old. Not me! I remember the moist and delicious yellow cake with thick butter cream frosting and strawberry and vanilla ice cream that was so cold it froze my two buck teeth in the front. This was no normal fat kid birthday party. I mean, don't get me wrong, my cousins were there (I had enough cousins to start an army) and my cake had Indy 500 race cars on it, but this was the beginning of something big, something extraordinary, something that changed my life for ever. This birthday party was were I learned that mixing ice cream and cake together was such a succulent treat, and it kept my two buck teeth from getting a cold shock. I think I should have had a patent before all of the Ice Cream companies started to put cookie and cake pieces in their Ice Cream. With all of their corporate dollars and shareholder investments, they are stingy with the cookie and cake pieces in the little cup of ice cream. On several occasions, I had one of those "Big Name" cups of Cookies n' Cream ice cream and all that was in their was a lump of cookie in it and the rest was ice cream. I was so pissed, that I was cussing the ice cream out and still eating it at the same time. I could picture myself going to those schmucks at the "Big Name" ice cream factory and peeing on their leg (just kidding). If I just wanted ice cream, I would of bought the brand that was $3 cheaper and in a bigger size than the "Big Name" brand. No one does the mixing of Ice Cream and Cake mixing better than me. Till this day, my 8 year old has picked up this habit and does it himself. WOW! Isn't life sweet?

• The Year 1984
• John McEnroe wins Wimbledon
• "Roxanne, Roxanne" by U.T.F.O/Hip Hop
• "Unity" by Afrikaa Bambaataa and James Brown
• Madonna shocks the world during the first MTV music awards.
• It was crazy in India! Prime Minister Indirah Gandhi was assasinated by her own body guards followed by 1,000 people killed in riots
• FAT KID MOMENT IN History: Wendy's Hamburgers commercial slogan "Where's the Beef?"